


Silent Lucidity

by LadyShadowphyre



Series: tumblr prompt basket [11]
Category: Supernatural
Genre: Angelic Marriage, Angelic True Forms, Castiel and Sam Winchester Create A More Profound Bond, Dean Winchester (mentioned) - Freeform, Kevin Tran (mentioned) - Freeform, Other, Post-Hell Sam Winchester, Protective Sam Winchester, Sam Winchester Speaks Enochian, Soul and Grace Bonding, that escalated quickly
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-12-09
Updated: 2017-12-28
Packaged: 2019-02-12 15:19:29
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 3
Words: 2,930
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12962280
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/LadyShadowphyre/pseuds/LadyShadowphyre
Summary: There was never a good time to mention it, and at least Sam wasn't hallucinating Lucifer this time....





	1. This Magic New Dimension

**Author's Note:**

  * For [BarryAllenIsTheFlash](https://archiveofourown.org/users/BarryAllenIsTheFlash/gifts), [Zetal (Rodinia)](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Rodinia/gifts).



> Written for the tumblr kiss prompt #56: Caught off-guard kiss! The direction this one took certainly caught ME off-guard!

**S** AM DIDN’T BOTHER telling Dean when it first started happening. His head had been mostly fine ever since Castiel had taken on the majority of his pain from the cracks and tears in his soul left behind by Lucifer and Michael, but in that first hour he had been... disoriented. Wrung tight and strung out on several crisscrossing lines. No time to catch a breath, to try and make sense of the strange layers to his perception that he couldn’t even formulate the words in English to explain (and using the language that  _could_  explain it made those raw places in his soul twinge sharply with remembered fire and ice, so he tried not to) and no time to do more than glance back only once at Castiel as Dean shuffled him away from the practically catatonic angel. One brief, split-second glance where he thought he could see two pairs of ragged, quivering wings curling in a futile attempt at protection around an elongated glowing form that simultaneously mapped onto Jimmy Novak’s body perfectly and also defied comprehensible understanding of anatomy.

And then it was just him and Dean again, and Sam tried to put that dizzying moment out of his mind.

But then little things started cropping up. A glowing azure and violet feather tucked into his duffle despite not remembering it being there before. A strange hum beneath his fingers whenever he picked up one of the angel blades he and Dean kept on hand now as part of their arsenal. Flashes of white and gold overlayed on the face of a painfully young teenager who couldn’t understand what was happening to him or why he could suddenly read and understand gibberish on a rock. Flashes of twisting and glowing figures cramped into human shells whenever they encountered an angel, roiling clouds of yellow-tinged black or oil-slick washes whenever they encountered a demon or a Leviathan.

And then Castiel was in front of him again, and Sam could see that trembling, glowing figure with the tattered wings so clearly, huddled down within the skin of the body that used to house Jimmy Novak. He watched as the glowing figure tilted its seemingly featureless face in his direction despite the way Castiel’s human eyes never looked away from Dean, and seven tiny slits of blue formed and flickered before folding away again as the wings curled around angel and vessel and Castiel turned away from them.

And then he was gone, and Dean with him, and the Leviathans were gone, and Crowley was gone along with Kevin and Sam... drifted, driving without direction, running from every flare of misplaced Light or Shadow until he hit a dog and was given a reason to stop. Then Dean was back, and angry, and keeping secrets, and it never seemed like a good time for Sam to mention it. So he didn’t. They got Kevin back and he still didn’t mention it, just took what little time the prophet allowed him to sit beside the teenager and unravel the threads left by Crowley in Kevin’s mind and soul. Kevin never asked, so Sam didn’t talk about that, either.

Then Castiel came back, showing up in front of Sam out of the blue, miraculously not dead and no longer hunched in on himself within his vessel with his wings looking stronger and more solid than Sam could ever remember... but the blue slits in the featureless face never focused on him. When Sam stepped forward, the glowing figure seemed to shy away from him even as Castiel’s vessel stood still. He persisted, stepping close into the angel’s personal space, and sucked in a breath at the fine cracks and fractures of harsh red splayed across the great glowing head in patterns he hated to recognize.

**_“What have they done to you, Castiel?”_**  he whispered, the guttural Enochian words pulled from deep within his chest past a throat ill-formed to conjugate the syllables. He reached up without conscious direction, wanting to soothe the cracks in this being he called his friend, so focused on trying to bend his soul enough to erase those cracks that he didn’t notice the blue slits widen to become bright orbs and focus directly on him for the first time.

The press of lips against his, fierce and insistent, shattered the focus that had held Sam, leaving him gasping for breath as he blinked rapidly to clear the spots from his eyes as blue and violet wings flared wide and Castiel fled.


	2. You Can Achieve Dream Control

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Sam is left with questions in the wake of Castiel's abrupt departure. Castiel visits his dreams and attempts to explain.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Written for the tumblr kiss prompt #33: kiss in a dream! Couldn't resist continuing along this vein, either. Trueform!Cas is a major weakness of mine. ^_^

**K** NOWING THAT YOU are dreaming when you are dreaming is a rare occurrence for humans. For Sam Winchester, it happened every night ever since the Apocalypse when Lucifer began stalking his dreams and that shift of perception never quite went away. Sometimes he wondered if that ability to perceive when he was dreaming had contributed along with the hallucinations to his frequent doubting of reality when awake, but it was never enough of a concern to bring up. He promised himself that if it reached the point where he was having visions of the future in his dreams again, he would bite the silver-and-iron bullet and tell Dean, but his brother had enough to worry about after Purgatory without yet more drama from his failure of a burdensome little brother.

_“Sam.”_

This dream wasn’t anything special, not like the dreams he had of the Cage or other problematic memories that he was unable to shove aside and ignore while sleeping. It almost looked like a scene out of one of the Jurassic Park movies with its lush, dense tropical forest and a few strange birds gliding from tree to tree. It was surprisingly peaceful as far as his dreams went, even if he couldn’t remember when he might have encountered a scene like this enough to have recalled the sounds so clearly.

_**“Samuel.”** _

Sam turned at the more insistent pronouncement of his name, shivering at the Enochian intonations threading through that powerful voice, and his eyes landed on the by now familiar glowing figure with wings of azure and violet light. The greeting he meant to give Castiel died on his lips, however, when the figure seemed to compress and waiver under his gaze. He frowned. “Quit that.”

The figure went still, head angled in that familiar tilt of curiosity as seven blue orbs flickered in rapid succession like a furry of blinking.  _“Sam...?”_

“Quit trying to project Jimmy Novak,” he said. When Castiel’s wings flared open in surprise, Sam gestured around them at the prehistoric landscape. “It’s not like you’re going to burn out anyone’s eyes  _here_ , Cas.”

_“Physical harm is not the only kind I would seek to spare you,”_  Castiel said uncomfortably, his voice carrying a more noticeable echo of rumbling thunder and jarring cries of a hundred falcons screaming to the skies. Sam raised an eyebrow at the angel pointedly and Castiel relented, unfolding from the compressed state he - she? they? it? - had been attempting to fold into.

“I know you’re probably used to us calling you a guy because of your vessel, but is there a set of pronouns you’d prefer to use like this?” Sam asked curiously as he watched the unfolding. It was like looking at a bird hatching from an egg and an octopus swimming through coral, and yet completely unlike either one. The great head separated into seven separate heads, each with its own blue orb-like eye, which bobbed and twisted and wove around and sometimes through each other despite keeping one eye facing towards Sam at all times. The wings, too, were separating out from two mostly-distinct wing-forms into several dozen separate wings fanning open and folding together into new configurations that his eyes couldn’t even begin to track reliably even as the body lengthened and limbs formed and split and shifted until Castiel seemed to settle, half-twined around two massive trees with two of the seven heads sliding together and lowering so that Castiel could look at Sam with two glowing eyes.

_“You may continue thinking of me as male,”_  the angel said seriously. One long and tapered limb that Sam thought might have been a tail swept around to settle between them close to Sam’s feet; Sam  kept his eyes on the two Castiel had focused on him at the moment rather than glance down at the tail.  _“My time Falling had imprinted a certain level of gender identity onto my Grace that is in alignment with Jimmy Novak’s physical form. Jimmy is at peace in Heaven, ever since Raphael exploded me at the beginning of the Apocalypse.”_

“Sorry about that,” Sam said, wincing at the reminder and finding it much easier now to look down and study Castiel’s tail. Up close, the limb was still overwhelmingly white, but also threaded with a multitude of shades of purple and blue, soft skin that graduated into scales which in turn sprouted silky-looking fur and then plumes of soft feathers in a line down what might have been considered the spinal track. “...You’re beautiful, Cas. It’s kinda hard to really see you out there, as bright as you glow all the time, but you are. Beautiful.”

_“As are you, Sam,”_  Castiel answered, even as those massive, multifaceted wings shifted and flashed at the edges of Sam’s vision.  _“Even with the damage from Lucifer which I could not heal, your soul is... radiant beyond belief.”_  There was a hesitation, then Castiel added more quietly,  _“The guilt from seeing the damage I failed to heal is... troublesome at times. I know that I do not deserve your forgiveness for my part in the infliction of that damage, but I would offer you my apologies nonetheless.”_

“Accepted and forgiven,” Sam said immediately, looking up at Castiel as the angel jerked backwards and all seven heads swivelled around to align themselves so that Castiel could stare wide-eyed directly at Sam with his full attention. “Castiel, I have never blamed you for the damage done to my soul. Never. Even when the hallucinations got so bad that it was killing me, I knew who to blame for my deteriorating state, and it was never you.” He bit his lower lip, looking up from beneath the fall of his hair. “Is... that why you ran before?”

_“Ran... oh,”_  Castiel’s heads split again, leaving only two eyes to look at Sam once more as the others shifted and ducked and looked elsewhere.  _“When you reached for me, I was too surprised at first by the realization that you could See me, not just my vessel. And then you healed me of Naomi’s latest efforts to repurpose me--”_

“Is that what those cracks were?” Sam couldn’t help but ask, blushing when Castiel’s eyes narrowed and his wings quivered faintly with the echoes of rustling leaves and wind-stirred chimes.

_“It was,”_  the angel confirmed.  _“Naomi was not aware that you can see my true form or have the ability to utilize your soul to heal the damage as you did, or I doubt she would have permitted me to go to you. As it is, you broke through her control in time for me to prevent the deaths of several angels, for which I am also grateful to you.”_

“Oh,” Sam said, blinking a little. He wasn’t sure how to feel about that. “So when you kissed me right before you flew off, that was... a thank you?”

_“In part,”_  Castiel admitted, wings curving inwards.  _“It was also because... I have admired your strength and compassion and the beauty of your soul for some time, Sam, and when you healed me and utilized the power of your soul to do so.... I could not help myself. I--”_

“Don’t!” Sam interrupted. He swallowed when Castiel flinched back and shook his head. “Don’t apologize, not for that.” Castiel may not have had human features to express emotion, but his body language (strange and fantastical as it was) still managed to do a decent job of conveying the angel’s dismay and skepticism. “Really, if you ever decide you want to do it again, I would be more than okay with that.”

_“I see,”_  Castiel hummed. His tail twitched, curling like the end of a cat’s tail, and Sam bit the inside of his cheek to keep from laughing.  _“I believe that may be somewhat problematic given your insistence that I retain my true form in your dream.”_

“Well, we can work with that,” Sam said, feeling something that could easily have passed for a stutter in his heartbeat. He thought he might even have been grinning as he lifted both hands and beckoned. “Bring one of your faces down here a moment?”

Castiel’s eyes blinked in asynchronous order, but the angel obliged, lowering the two heads currently aligned together down close to where Sam stood. Gingerly, Sam stepped over the tail and right up close to the angel, gently touching his hands to the smooth and glowing white surface before leaning forward and nuzzling his face into what felt like velvet glass, smooth and cool and soft and tingling along the edges as he pressed a soft, open-mouthed kiss beneath and between Castiel’s incredible blue orbs. This close, Sam could even make out the folds of reptilian eye shields coming together and parting again as Castiel blinked. Sam smiled softly as he drew back again, one hand lingering on the approximate zone of Castiel’s gigantic cheek.

“You can get a more human-type kiss when I wake up,” Sam promised.


	3. A Soul Set Free To Fly

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Sam wakes up to Castiel collecting his promised kiss. Sam has ways of making even a human-type kiss special for the angel he loves.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Written for the tumblr kiss prompt #46: Long kiss!

**I** T WAS RARE that Sam got to enjoy waking up slowly. Usually his nightmares drove him from sleep all at once, wrenching him back into consciousness with his heart pounding and a scream held tight behind clenched teeth. The rare times that his nightmares did not see him awake before Dean, his brother would usually be brisk about waking him whenever they shared a motel room, some part of both their minds holding onto a seemingly endless string of Tuesday mornings when Sam had awoken with music in his ears and dread in his heart.

There was no music this time, nor was there Dean’s brusque voice and firm grip to his shoulder. The room was quiet and still to Sam’s human senses, and so he carefully stretched his awareness without opening his eyes, wondering what had woken him from his unusually pleasant dream. The edges of his soul brushed liquid light and crackling, sparkling warmth, and his breath hitched at the familiar feel of a very specific angelic Grace close by.  _Castiel...._

**_“Hello, Samuel.”_ **

Sam’s lips curved into a smile, rolling over without opening his eyes in the direction of the Voice, gutteral Enochian words echoing with a low rumble of thunder and the soft chime of rain on crystal. His body arched up into the physical warmth of Castiel’s vessel even as he Reached for the angel with his soul, Seeing beyond his eyes to gaze unhindered at the magnificent glowing figure as he forced his throat to produce the necessary vocalizations to answer.  ** _“Hello, Castiel-who-is-beloved-of-my-heart.”_**

He Felt the pulse of Castiel’s Grace more than he heard the indrawn breath, but Castiel’s mouth sealing itself to his was very physical indeed. Lips parted, slid together and apart, teeth catching skin only to be soothed by slick tongues that caressed and teased and danced together. Sam’s hands slid up Castiel’s vessel’s arms into short but soft hair, pulling him in close as their mouths continued to dance together. Breathing was only necessary for one of them, but Sam had long since mastered the ability to breathe through his nose so as not to require a break to regain oxygen. When he Felt the brush of what could only be feathers filled with Castiel’s rain-skittering Grace against the skin of his arms, he had to gasp into the kiss as his hands tightened their hold.

**_Samuel-who-is-beloved-above-all, please forgive me if I have transgressed..._ **

Sam shuddered as the words slid through his mind and soul, more gently than any spoken words could be and all the more powerful for that intimacy. The moan that slipped from his throat into Castiel’s mouth was low and practically wanton. His chest ached with the phantom need to expand beyond the boundaries of his skin. The thought formed and solidified within his awareness and he flung it recklessly towards the angel who very nearly enveloped him despite the relative differences in their physical bodies.  ** _I give myself to you, Castiel-who-is-beloved-of-my-heart, wholly and completely._**

Something crackled sharply through the room with the resonance of a bell. Grace surged through him, wrapping around his soul and spreading throughout every molecule of his being faster than a lightning strike. Almost as quickly, the feeling retreated, leaving a pleasant ache in his limbs and a humming warmth beneath his skin that chased away even the lingering phantom touch of Lucifer’s Grace. Sam’s eyes slid open as their mouths drew apart and looked up into Castiel’s seven eyes set in his conjoined faces. “I love you,” he whispered, throat raw and ragged from before.

“And I you,” Castiel whispered back, matching Sam’s pitch and language, blue orbs glowing behind Jimmy’s blue eyes as his lips curved into a soft smile. “Sam Winchester, the boy with the soul as pure as Heaven’s light, whose love can heal angels.”

“Just one angel,” Sam corrected with a crooked smile. From the corners of his eyes, he could see azure and violet wings fanning open in pleasure and his smile widened. “No one else for me but you.”

**_For all Eternity._ **

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So, this kinda got away from me when Sam and Castiel decided to start speaking Enochian and things kinda spiralled and now they're angel-married for all Eternity? Was that too fast? I feel like that should have been too fast, but at the same time it feels almost overdue. ^^U

**Author's Note:**

>  _I will be watching over you_  
>  _I am gonna help you see it through_  
>  _I will protect you in the night_  
>  _I am smiling next to you, in silent lucidity_  
>  \--Queensryche, "Silent Lucidity"


End file.
